I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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