everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
