I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
