DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
