hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
