The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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