she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize