Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
