Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
