Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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