Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
