i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
