Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
