Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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