Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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