Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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