I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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