So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
