Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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