when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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