Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
