I'm jealous of your bromance
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
