Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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