You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
