does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
