dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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