Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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