Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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