the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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