Jerry, you need to find god
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
