I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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