Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
