Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
