Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
