I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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