you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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