At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
