Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
