i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
