talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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