just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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