think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
