You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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