It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nutella sex= disaster
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
