i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
