Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
