Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
