Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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