There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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