xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
