fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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