fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
