She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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