Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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