nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
