fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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