I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
