Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
