So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
