her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
