The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
