some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
